Are you embarrassed because you have not kept up with your network? Life got in the way. Now, you hear networking is the key to finding a new job, and you do not know how to get started. How do you avoid the awkwardness of reaching out to people and asking for help when you have not kept up with the relationship?

First of all, you are not alone. Many people now face the same challenge. With demanding jobs and family obligations, where is the time? Networking often is something you know you should do, but let's face it, a tough thing to concentrate on when there are so many competing priorities.

Don't beat yourself up for this. The past is in the past. You can't change it. All you can do is better (and vow you won't get yourself in this position again).

Why Is Networking Important

You may have heard career coaches go on about networking as an essential part of your job search, but why? Everyone you know just applies via job boards. Well, here is the cold hard truth.

According to Jobvite's 2019 Recruiting Benchmark Report:

"From a pure volume perspective, 2019 shows that most applicants still come from career websites and job boards, followed by referrals...The most effective sources of hires are Hiring Managers, Internal Mobility, Custom Campaigns, Social Media, and Referrals..”

So you may be solely applying through job boards. Yet, the sources that are providing the most hires are from the hiring manager, internally within the company, a reach out from the company through a custom campaign, and seeing a posting on social media and referrals. All, except the social media postings, come from relationships already fostered with the company.

That is why Career Coaches talk about networking to find a job. As a job search strategy, it is more effective in finding a job than applying solely through job boards.

Where Is Your Contact Now?

If you already have an email address or telephone number, great! That is all you need to re-engage a contact. For some, though, that information will be out-of-date. How would you then go about finding the person?

LinkedIn

Start first with LinkedIn. There are 675 million monthly users on LinkedIn, so there is a good chance that you may already have the individual as part of your network. Hopefully, if you have an old work email, they have updated their LinkedIn profile with their new work email. 

If you never had this person as part of your LinkedIn network, try to find the person. Look at their contact information. Sometimes you will only see their LinkedIn URL. If you are lucky, you will also see an email address or a telephone number. Do not despair if that is not the case. There are ways to find a work email (see Need An Email Address: Here Are 5 Easy Ways To Find One).

Twitter, Facebook, Instagram

You may be connected through other social media. See if their profile information has any contact information you can use to reach out. If you are not connected, see if they have a profile on any of these platforms.

Don't forget places to look like Facebook Groups. Perhaps there is an alumni group or special interest group where they are an active participant.

Ask Friends or Acquaintances

If you have mutual friends and acquaintances, ask if they are still in contact with the individual and the best way to reach them. This is a good excuse, in itself, to talk with someone you haven't been in contact with for a while.

Google Search

If none of the other methods have worked, the default is to do a Google search. Type in the name and any other identifying information, such as location, and see if you can find additional information. You may get a listing for a business that shows information for the person that is available on a web site. You likely will get search results for people intelligence services that will give you some information for free but may charge to disclose additional information. See if you can narrow down the information to at least a probable location and age. You then may be able to do more sleuthing to find contact information without paying for it.

Send an Email First

To see if the person would like to reconnect, send an email. If you have a personal email address, that is best. If you knew the person through a professional relationship, then that might not be available to you. Second, best is to send an email to their work email. Through these methods, it is more likely to be read. If you have a phone number, you can text the person, but please tell them who you are. Do not assume they have your name on their contacts list.

The LinkedIn Green Dot

What about LinkedIn, you might ask? You need to be careful on LinkedIn. Many people have profiles but are not active users. That could mean that your message goes unread, especially if they have not set up an alert for incoming messages. This is where the green dot next to a person's name is helpful. It is an indication of how easy it will be to get a message read through LinkedIn. You may see a green dot at the outer edge on the bottom right side of the profile picture. It means that the person is currently online. Likely, that person will know that they have an incoming message. If you instead see a circle with a green ring around the edge, that means that the person is not currently online but has set up a notification of incoming messages. That is another indication that your message is likely to be read, likely when the person is next online. If you do not see either, you can check on the person's profile to see whether they have recently posted, commented, or liked a post (go to the Activity section to look). If so, the odds that the recipient will see your message because they are active on the platform. 

You can also send a message through other social media like Facebook, but whether the person will see it may depend on how often they are on the platform and how they have set up their notifications.

The Components of Your Outreach Message

So what should you have in this message? This short message should have the following components.

1. Remind them how you know them if you were not a close acquaintance (we attended the SHRM conference last year, I worked in the Finance department of X company, we both went to school at the University of Kentucky and were biology majors, etc.)

2. You are thinking of them

3. Acknowledge it has been a while since you last have spoken. No need to go into an apology or a lengthy explanation.  

4. Celebrate an occasion or recognition, if appropriate

5. State that you would like to reconnect and suggest date(s) and time(s). If it is someone that you do not know well, put a short time frame on the call, say 15 minutes. You are more likely to get a response if the person feels that their commitment level is low.

Remember to keep the message upbeat.

Examples of Outreach Messages

You can use the template below to craft this short message. You would customize it depending on the nature of the connection and the information you have about the person. 

Hello <Insert Name of Previous Work Colleague>,

I was thinking of you and wanted to reach out to reconnect. I can't believe it has been over a year since we last talked! I would love to catch up and hear how you <or the family, naming each member> are doing. <Optional, if appropriate: I hope you are staying healthy during this pandemic>. Would you have 15 minutes next week to talk? I am available <give dates and times>.

I look forward to hearing from you.

<Your Name>

This is an example of a message to someone that went to your school.

Hello <Insert Name of School Acquaintance>,

I was thinking of you and wanted to reach out to reconnect. I can't believe it has been X years since we graduated! Boy time flies. I know we haven't talked in a while. I would love to catch up and hear how you <or the family, naming each member> are doing. Would you have 15 minutes next week to talk? I am available <give dates and times>.

I look forward to hearing from you.

<Your Name>

And here is one to someone you met at a networking meeting.

Hello <Name of Acquaintance>,

I found your business card and realized that I never followed up after we talked at the Charlotte, NC CPA Happy Hour last March. I was the person that had just relocated from Nashville. I remember you mentioned that you had just started your own firm. I would love to catch up and hear how that is going. Would you have 15 minutes next week to talk? I am available <give dates and times>.

I look forward to hearing from you.

<Your Name>

If the person does not respond, try to follow up at least once more. People do get busy and may not have the time to get back to you immediately. If you do not hear anything back, move on.

Short Phone Conversation

The goal of the reach-out email is to get a phone call on the calendar. The phone conversation is planned as a brief conversation to catch up. Before the phone call, try to get as much intelligence as you can about the other person. What have they been up to since you last spoke? Have they changed jobs or gotten a promotion? Have they given a talk or written an article? Having this information will help you frame questions that will get them talking about themself. You can better foster engagement by asking questions and listening to the answers.

Questions to Ask

Here are some topics that you can touch on to start the conversation

 -Ask after their family, if that has been a previous topic you have discussed

 -Ask how they are doing during the pandemic and how their work changed (or not)

 -Ask what they are finding challenging at work

 -Ask if they have picked up any new hobbies or sports

 -Ask if they have any vacation plans

 -Ask if they have seen or talked with any fellow alumni or attended any alumni event

Offer Assistance

If you do not want to give the impression that this conversation is just an attempt to get something from the individual, offer something first. In networking, giving is much more powerful than receiving. Part of the reason is that it is unexpected. Many people take the opposite approach and just ask for a favor. Don't be that person. Be a giver, and you will find that the other person will likely want to reciprocate. So how can you give to your connection? Offer something that is of value based upon the answers to your questions.

-Offer to connect them to someone in your network

-Offer to critique something that they are writing

-Offer to promote something important to them, such as a charity 

-Offer to help one of their family members

-Offer to put together a virtual reunion of similar people (see How to host a virtual networking event)

Your contact may not want to take you up on the offer, but they will appreciate the gesture. If they do want your help, that is great. It is an opportunity to help someone out and deepen your relationship.

When the Conversation Comes Back to You

This chit chat helps break the ice. As will generally happen in a conversation, the topic will come to you and what you are doing. As appropriate, discuss family, if asked, or work. It is fine to update your work situation, especially if you are not working and are looking for a new position. If you are working, then it is okay to say that you are looking for another job and briefly describe it. Be as specific as you can.

If you are asked further about it (and likely this will be the case), then it is fine to take the opportunity to speak a bit more about it. Often this will elicit the question of what the person can do to help you since you have already planted that seed with your offer of assistance. Think ahead of time what this contact can do, which will not impose a great imposition and would be of value to you. Be specific. If the person can introduce you to a particular individual and that would be helpful, say so. If you could use some help crafting an elevator speech, ask for another 15 minutes of their time to review what you have put together. If you would like a recommendation for your LinkedIn profile, ask for that. 

Don't ask whether the person can find you a job. That is a big ask and can put the person in an awkward position of having to say no or of promising something they have no intention of doing. It is better to ask for something small that will take little time and an easy "yesable" proposition.

If you sense that the person you are reconnecting with is not particularly interested in helping you (not engaged in the conversation) or does not make the offer, you might want to wrap up the discussion. 

Keep to Your Time

If you say you are going to keep to 15 minutes, keep your promise. You do not want this conversation to become an imposition on the other individual. If you are having a good time reconnecting and come to the 15-minute mark and sense that the other person may want to continue the conversation, remind the individual about your promise. Ask whether the other person has time to continue the conversation or if another date and time would be better to continue the conversation.  

Follow Up

It goes without saying that if you have offered to do something for the other person, you need to complete whatever it is and follow up with the individual. If your contact offered to help you, that naturally might require a follow-up conversation. If not, like a recommendation given on LinkedIn, a follow-up phone call is still a great way to say thank you. If the person sets up an introduction, a great follow up is to tell how it went. 

Once you have put the work into reconnecting, make it a point to keep up with this individual. Explain that you do not want to get out of touch again and promise that you will get back in touch in a few months. Put on your calendar three to six months in the future a reminder to make a follow-up call. Next time, the call will feel less awkward. And who knows, maybe your connection will pick up the phone and call you instead?

Conclusion

One of my clients asked me how reaching out to someone she lost contact with would appear to the person. I asked her if someone she lost touch with that she knew reached out to her, how would she feel? She said she would like it. I said I thought most people would feel the same way. Don't be afraid to reconnect with your network. You will be glad you did.

For more information about networking, please read the following blog post:

14 Categories of People to Network With on LinkedIn

Shelley Piedmont is a job search coach. She wants to help job seekers put their best foot forward by providing the tools for a successful job search. If you need career coaching, resume preparation, interview skills assessment, or LinkedIn profile assistance, she can help. Schedule a 15-minute no-obligation consultation.